BIRTH TALES – STORIES OF AMAZING BIRTHS
Told by Mothers, Fathers, Midwives, Apprentices, Doulas, Nurses & Others
Aria Hanna author of "Reflections on Childbirth In America" with her mother
THE BIRTH TALES:
by Lisa Lim, Mother
“Wouldn’t it be lovely if all women could labor outside on the streets freely, if we all considered it an honor to come across a laboring woman, considered it a blessing, a good omen”. And I thought how wonderful it would be to consider all of this normal. Where a woman’s pain wasn’t hidden, but was moving, breathing within the community. Not hidden behind medical walls.” – Lisa Lim
Once we began walking I remember passing the hedge and talking about going to the movies. Shelly was trying to distract me. We both had seen “Practical Magic” the day before. What would we see? I could only go if I promised not to make too much noise. She was teasing me and I enjoyed it. I had another contraction and I reached out and held onto her. My arm across her shoulders. I could feel her upper back. She was wearing a tank top and sweats. Glass, we all had sunglasses and Anna was holding my water bottle. I was keenly aware of my surroundings. It was a beautiful day. The sky was blue, the breeze was refreshing and alive. There were birds and lawnmowers. The Saturday energy of relaxed chores. People working without a structured boss. We walked and with each contraction I would gently squeeze Shelly. We turned onto Montana and continued to talk about past lives, but the talk and surroundings were fading. I was fading into myself, and I needed all of them for support. It was then that Shelly suggested turning around and I was very relieved. And just as I turned back onto Centinela I truly fell into labor. It was a downward force that pulled me to the center of the earth. A drawing down that took my legs with it. I grabbed for Steve’s hand and fell into the three of them, howling back into the world as if to remind them, me, not to get lost. To yell, to howl, to scream so that everyone could find me. To descend but leave notice. We walked on.
Only flashes come back to me. Someone on the hill throwing out the trash. Two men coming out of a garage. A car driving past. The very long way back to my house, which at this point could be no more than a block. Shelly musing “Wouldn’t it be lovely if all women could labor outside on the streets freely, if we all considered it an honor to come across a laboring woman, considered it a blessing, a good omen”. And I thought how wonderful it would be to
consider all of this normal. Where a woman’s pain wasn’t hidden, but was moving, breathing within the community. Not hidden behind medical walls. These thoughts were floating through my head, but at the same time how the hell was I going to make it across the street and the last block. I remember saying to Steve “Get the fucking car” as I collapsed into his arms once again. I was being sucked into the very ground. To stay up and moving – how? And before I fell again I was flinging off my shoes and walking across the cool, wet grass of our lawn. My front porch. The railing. Squeezing the wooden frame and howling deep so they could find me. Then there was Davi’s beautiful face, comforting music, broken light. Home. My bed. But no, “Lisa, pee first”. I ripped off my dress as I moved down the hall. I had to concentrate. I no longer really remembered how to pee. I sat there hoping it would fall out. I
©Photo by Carl Studna
wanted to lie down. To sleep. To stop. Next the cool pillows were beneath my head, the soft flannel. Beautiful yellow lilies. The purple grapes on the blanket. Michael Stillwater’s music gently breaking through. I just wanted to rest, to sleep. “Please Shelly, I want to sleep, I need a rest”. Her hand pressed against my thigh, pushed my hair across my face. “Rest now.” And I did. I don’t know how long, but long enough to let the panic subside. To let in silly thoughts. “Lisa, you are a stupid woman. You could be at the hospital getting really good drugs.” It passed. “Where’s Eliot? Please call.”
My back. My front. It hurt. The baby was moving through me and I was spreading out across the room. I was being pulled in every direction. Stretching up, and down, sideways, long ways and it hurt. The pain of opposing tension. The force of pulling apart. Being stretched thin and the bliss of snapping back to fullness. The quiet fullness between contractions when the baby and I were still one, rocking and waiting to pull again.
Shelly was holding my lower back and Davi was anchoring my feet. I didn’t want to fly away. Not now. I wanted to follow the suction downward. They would find me. I was hollering loud enough. Davi had my feet. I was safe. Stephen was there too. I could fall into his eyes also. Sink deep down into love.
Eliot came in bearing roses. Three beautiful roses. What if men always came bearing roses. There would be no war, the fear could not take hold. The smell of roses. Remedies under my tongue. I would be all right. Where was Aimee? “Call Aimee” Everyone shifts their attention. I am alone. “555-1212″ I blast again. I had blown up a few moments earlier when the disc changed from my birthing music to African dance music. Not the heavens now. I am in the earth. Toiling. I want to hear the river flowing, the wind, the earth. All weather. Ice splitting. Mother earth moving. No time for flying now.
Stephen looked into my eyes. Trying to find me. His words seemed slow and syrupy, “I am going out for evening primrose”, “No” I order back, clutching on to my counterweight. “You can’t go, I think the baby is here.”
Shelly had checked me when we returned from the walk. I was hovering around 7 cm. Where was I now? Fear kept invading. I was afraid. Then I looked into Shelly’s eyes. She had been there. She had also been sucked into the earth and had returned. I could fall too. I would come back. I wanted to not waste a single second of a contraction being afraid. Shelly whispers, “Lisa, remember making love, how you got this baby inside of you, now make love to this child. Love your baby out. There is only one safe place – your heart.” Stephen put his hand between my breasts, held onto my heart tightly – down I went again. Then I felt a transfer of energy. For the first time
Photo by Carl Studna
something was moving up and out. I wanted to get below it. Hell, I was below it. Now I wanted to lift, to push, to raise my baby up high. It was time to push. “Lisa, how do you want to do this? Your side? Sitting?” Shelly didn’t offer me squatting. Good thing we would find out moments later. I think the little one would have come too fast. Bursting out, taking me too. I thought side, no, no, sitting. Shelly made sure someone was holding my feet. Stephen was massaging my belly. Anna was caressing my thoughts with her gentle whispering. I was totally embraced. Then I felt the head. A tiny bit of hair. I wish I had lingered there longer, but there was work to be done. Me, always efficient at the cost of experiencing the moment sometimes.
Up, up, up I was now feeling. I was deep under this child and we were rising. I felt the head between my legs. The full, tight stuck feeling and then one howling push and the baby was free. I was aware of being comfortably around his neck. I could actually feel him moving inside of me. It was very sensual and exciting, but he didn’t want to stay. He didn’t want to linger, he wanted out. I was so open that I touched my very edges, and just as I was about to fall off of myself, he fell out. I was in empty space. I felt so empty. For a second I am lost. All this effort, concentration, focus and now nothing. I am not being sucked down. There is no one to push up. No heaven, no earth. Then I see Shelly’s arms pushing my little one towards me. “Lisa, hold your baby.” And I am back. This wonderful wet, warm breathing baby brings me back home.
Everything moves quickly now. There are tears in everyone’s eyes. Anna is holding the camera. Eliot is embracing Stephen. Davi is laughing. Then I am reflecting. I now remember Shelly saying “Davi Kaur these cloths are not hot enough.” Davi remarking on how there wasn’t time for the crock pot to heat up. Everyone laughing when I shouted out Aimee’s phone number. Eliot responding to Shelly when asked if he had delivered babies before “Yes, but not in this consciousness.”
I deliver the placenta. We cut the cord. I receive a single stitch. I breast-feed. The midwives move about working efficiently. The storm has passed and now we clean up. But oh how good everything feels. Back to earthly movements and chores. I get up and am escorted to the shower. Eliot passes the soap. Shelly combs my hair. I am back in bed and my little man lies naked across my chest. Isadora arrives, “Mummy, he has a penis. He’s a boy.” The look of all the faces around my bed. Eddy, Constanza, Stephen, Tony, Davi, Anna, Aimee. Eliot has left. Shelly cleans and gently checks our little boy. He sucks my finger for comfort and cries when I complain about my back. Aimee massages it. Then slowly everyone leaves. All of us open, happy and free in this moment of birth.
I am so tired. It is dark out now and the candles in my room throw off a comforting light. I pass my son over to Constanza and fall into a deep sleep. When I wake up a few hours have passed. The house is very quiet. I look at the clock, it is past eleven. I shuffle out of bed and I hear them first. I pause to listen. Stephen is singing to our little boy. I want to touch them. Be close. I sit on the sofa as close as I can get. They smell so good. I check on Isadora. She looks as always like an angel. I fall asleep this night, and now there really is three of us in the bed. Kai breathes on his own between Stephen and I. Life begins again for all of us.
“VBAC FOR THE 12 YEAR OLD GIRL”
by Chemin Perez, Birth Doula“On that day, an abused 12 –year old girl began healing. A strong beautiful mother was born. This was the first time that a man had offered her a choice. This may have been the first man she ever trusted.” – Chemin Perez
Little girls are riding their bikes, playing tag, and jumping rope as I go to meet my client. Not long ago, a twelve-year-old little girl named Samantha* was growing up on the outskirts of Pasadena California. Samantha was much like the girl who lives on your block. Maybe she rode her bike past your house, or sat in the movie theater right next to your little girl while they both enjoyed popcorn. Maybe Samantha was in your daughter’s fifth grade class. Most girls grow up in a home feeling protected by their parents. But not Samantha.
My client Samantha has a history of rape. Although all rape is tragic; hers was unthinkable. Her stepfather raped her. I held back tears as she shared her story with me. I, a single mom, could not help but see my little 12-year old daughter’s face as Samantha bravely told me, “my body was never mine.” Samantha said she would keep her eyes closed and never cried out as her step father raped her. When the abuse first started she cannot remember.
However, what Samantha does remember is the day her beautiful daughter was born. She was just 12 years old when she gave birth. Samantha was never told she was going to be having a baby.
On April 18th, Samantha’s baby girl was cut out of her body and given away to strangers. “Not being in charge of my body was the worst of the offense,” she told me. Samantha recalled that the doctors chatted about their week as they sewed up her empty womb. Many years have passed since then but Samantha can still hear the voices of those doctors. I blinked away my tears as this brave young woman shared her story with me.
After her baby’s birth, Samantha was taken from her family and placed in foster care.
Samantha (“Sam” ) is now 18 years old planning the birth of her second child. My job is to be her birth doula. Sam’s desires for her upcoming birth are simple. “I want this next baby’s birth to be an occasion I can celebrate” Sam says. “I don’t want anyone to cut my son out like they did my daughter. I don’t want any one to touch my body. I want to trust birth. I want to trust my body,” she says. Sam asks, “Can you help me?” I say I will try.
In the weeks that follow, we search to find a doctor who will support Sam in her desire to have a Vaginal Birth after Cesarean (VBAC). This was not easy to find for a mother with limited resources. But after a long search, we finally we found Dr. Phillipe Lucario* who agrees to take her as his patient.
In the weeks leading up to Sam’s second birth, I pondered the question of how might her past experience manifest itself during her labor. I wondered how I might help her heal from her past experience during the labor and birth of her child. I thought about Sam’s courage; how some women would hide from their past, try to forget the painful memories. Others might wish to numb their scary feelings which might be reactivated in labor. Childbirth is the gateway to womanhood. Some of us run through those gates feeling the wind brush through our hair. Others of us walk slowly through touching the smooth sides of the golden gates, slowly breathing its sweet scent, relishing every moment of becoming a woman. Yet, others of us do not wish to feel those feelings, and detour those beautiful gates. I have given birth four times. I chose to take a detour once. I have chosen to run, walk, and float through them three other times. All this I pondered as I waited for Sam’s due date to arrive.
Dr. Lucario scheduled an external version because the baby had turned sideways in the 38th week. I helped her get chiropractic care and encouraged her to walk to help the baby turn head down. Despite the circumstances, Sam continued to focus on her baby. On the way to the hospital to get the external version, Sam’s water bag broke and she felt labor pains for the first time in her life. I met her at the hospital. When the nurse checked her she was 6 centimeters dilated and in active labor! It seemed that her dream of a VBAC was not long off. But many hours went by as we tried a variety of positions and walked to bring the baby down, as her baby remained high in her pelvis. I used all the tricks of the trade I knew to help the baby to move down and help her progress. Yet no matter what we tried, Samantha couldn’t seem to get past 6 centimeters, and her baby never came down. Finally, after 20 hours of trying everything we knew, with no progress, Dr. Lucario recommended a cesarean.
Upon hearing the doctor’s recommendation, Samantha breaks down sobbing, curling herself up into fetal position, head under the pillow, as if she were a 12-year-old girl. Sam screamed, “I don’t want a cesarean; I don’t want anyone to touch my body!!” Her agonized wails pierce my heart like a scalpel. With Sam’s dream of a VBAC shattered, the flood gates are thrown open on the niagara. Sam’s gag removed, her torturous wails expressing years she spent enduring violent subjugation. Dr. Lucario and I are speechless. Instinctively, as if we were her mother and father, we both hold her like a small child, comforting her and letting her cry for as long as she needs to. Dr. Lucario says, “Samantha, I would not do anything to your body that you do not want me to. I will wait until you are ready.” We wait a long time for her sobs to settle into gasps and her breathing to slow down, like parents comforting an injured toddler. After a long while, Samantha the little girl emerges from under the covers, transformed into a strong and brave woman and says, “I am ready.” Her beautiful 8 pound 10 ounce son Liam is born by cesarean section surgery. He is vigorous and robust, with a full head of curly black hair. On a Spring morning at dawn as I am leaving the hospital, the birds are chirping.
On that day, an abused 12 –year old girl began healing. A strong beautiful mother was born. This was the first time that a man had offered her a choice. This may have been the first man she ever trusted.
The births of our children are opportunities for us to be transformed. Through the act of giving birth, we can embrace our pain and open ourselves to love. We can give ourselves permission to let go of our need to control. We can consciously choose to let go and be vulnerable. We can create a safe and protective environment to do so. We were created to feel powerful. Will you walk, skip, or surf through the gates of childbirth? The choice is yours.
* Names have been changed.
“REFLECTIONS ON CHILDBIRTH IN AMERICA”
by Aria Eve Hanna, College Student
Reflections of Film “Born In the USA” by Ken Schneider and Marcia Jarmel (PatchWorks Films, 1999)
Aria Eve Hanna is the daughter of Cordelia Hanna-Cheruiyot, birth educator/attendant, who, along with the midwife who delivered her, Shelly Girard, are co-authors of this website. This essay was written for Aria’s class on Child Development at San Francisco State University.
Before viewing the film, “Born in the USA”, fortunately my idea of the birth experience was very positive. Ever since I was little, my parents always described birth to me as a beautiful, powerful, and spiritual experience for both the mother giving birth and the father witnessing it. My parents never portrayed birth to me as a negative or dangerous.
This film taught that giving birth to a baby in a hospital with an epidural is extremely dangerous and detrimental to both the mother and the baby in a number of ways.
Also before viewing the film, I knew a bit about obstetricians and medical practice surrounding childbirth as well: my mother informed me that most hospital births are extremely stressful for the mother and the baby, which causes a lot of emotional turmoil and anxiety later in life, especially for the baby. If the baby is born into a stressful environment with many stimuli like flashing lights, loud sounds, and people yelling – things that are all prevalent
within a hospital setting – then the baby is much more prone to stress and anxiety throughout the later years of his or her life. But comparatively when a child is a born at home into a much more relaxed, peaceful, and personal environment, the child is more likely to be a less anxious/nervous/stressed person later in life. Thankfully I was taught all these important facts about childbirth from my mother and her colleagues, but of course there is still so much that I don’t know about childbirth, and honestly I am open to learning new things all the time.
Before viewing the film fortunately my idea of the birth experience was very positive. Ever since I was little, my parents always described birth to me as a beautiful, powerful, and spiritual experience for both the mother giving birth and the father witnessing it. My parents never portrayed birth to me as a negative or “gross” or terrible experience, it was always in fact quite the opposite. Of course when my mom showed me the home video of my brother’s homebirth, it was a tiny bit terrifying to me watching my mother scream in pain – but in actuality, I knew from what my mom had told me that it was all just a part of the experience and there was nothing to be scared of, because the reward from all that labor pain is producing new life – which is something extremely fascinating and empowering for a new parent.
The author at age 3 months with her mother
Fortunately I actually knew a good amount about midwives before viewing the film as well. My mother is a trained midwife’s assistant (currently studying to be a licensed midwife), childbirth educator, and a licensed doula, and she has been working in the public health field for about twenty years now – so thankfully I can say that I’m pretty informed about the birthing experience. My mother gave birth to me and my brother at home in the very same bed we were conceived in, and a midwife was present at both of our births. Our family is also very dear friends with the midwife who delivered us, so there are many things that her and my mother have taught me about midwives and home birth: for instance I was always taught that having a midwife at your birth at home is a much safer, more relaxed, and less stressful way of laboring a baby; I was alarmed to know there are women in America who refuse to endure the labor pain on their own and would rather risk the dangerous side effects of an epidural on the baby rather than just enduring the natural pain that God meant for us to experience. So personally I found it highly disturbing that hospitals are so open to this practice of drugging the mothers, and that so many mothers are willing and open to this as well. I was also surprised to see the statistics behind how many women actually have hospital births compared to home births – it truly shocked me to see that women are so comfortable with having their babies in such crazy environments. I was also surprised to see how actually crazy of an environment a hospital is – so much stimuli is present during the birth which is extremely harmful on the baby (lights, sounds, people, etc). My mother always taught me that hospital birth was scary and stressful, but I never really realized how bad it really is until I viewed this film.
I really enjoyed how the film helped show the complete differences between giving birth in a hospital, at home, or in a birthing center – it helped me to actually witness what goes on in each of these settings, and now I know for sure that I would much rather have my child at home or in a birthing center than in a hospital. I would much rather have a peaceful and relaxed birthing experience at home with a midwife who knows me personally, than one that is filled with constant trauma and stress at a hospital with a doctor who I barely know or who has so many patients to care for that I am not one of importance during labor. Of course I have a biased opinion because of my mother, but personally I advocate for home birth all the way – and thankfully the film has justified my reasoning even more now.
After viewing the film, it definitely affirmed my ideas about home birth. I was always taught that it was a much safer and smarter choice of childbirth, and the film most definitely proved everything that I have been taught to be true. I was actually surprised at the way the doctors in the hospital handled the births: personally I felt extremely disgusted at the way the doctors encouraged the women to use drugs/epidurals during labor. I was always taught that natural childbirth is much safer and actually more normal, but after viewing the film I saw the actual little amount of women know about childbirth, and honestly I am open to learning new things all the time.
As for care received during labor, there were a few similarities I noticed between giving birth in a birthing center and at home: for instance the birth experiences in both of these settings were much more relaxed than in a hospital; also both of these birth settings seemed much more personal with trained midwives, doulas, nurse-midwives, and obstetricians available and present during the births, whereas in the hospital the doctors and nurses were present during the births, but they didn’t seem to be as personal and close with the patients as they were in the home and birthing center settings. I felt as if the midwives and doulas viewed birth from a more natural, “organic”, and spiritual perspective, treating birth as a beautiful and empowering experience for the woman; and in comparison I felt as if the doctors and nurses in the hospitals viewed birth from a much more intense and closed-minded perspective, treating birth as a surgical procedure rather than an enlightened and positive experience for the woman.
Some positive aspects of home birth include: the relaxed and intimate environment, the baby is less likely to be born in to a stressful environment therefore won’t be stressed/anxious when he/she gets older, the health risks for the mother and baby are very low, no access to drugs or heavy stimuli that can harm the baby, etc. But of course negative aspects of home birth include: can be expensive so really only an option for those families with money, not as safe if emergency occurs because not as much technology or drugs available, doctors in hospitals likely to be more qualified than midwives and doulas within the home setting, etc. Some positive aspects of a birthing center include: relaxed and intimate environment like home yet more access to necessary technology unlike at home, similar to hospital environment yet much less stressful/not as much stimuli, most likely cheaper than home or even hospital birth, drugs available if needed, etc. And negative aspects of birthing center include: still stimuli present to harm the baby, not many birthing
The author Aria (at 4 weeks) with her father
centers available and open today, can also be expensive, even if technology available not as much as in hospital, etc. And last but not least, some positive aspects of hospital birth include: very safe if technology/drugs are needed in emergency procedure, doctors highly trained and professional, very common place of birth so women familiar/comfortable, much cheaper/more affordable and more accessible for low-income families, etc. And of course, negative aspects of hospital birth include: less intimate and relaxed environment, much stimuli prevalent causing harm to baby, more access to drugs for mother causing harm to baby, doctor’s relationship with mother and baby much less comfortable/personal, etc.
As for technology used during birth, it seemed to be used the most in the hospital birth setting, and somewhat in the birthing center setting as well: many monitors were used to track the baby’s and the mother’s heart beats, and also many television screens were used to check up on the patients. Technology seemed extremely important to the doctors and nurses in the hospital: they seemed to be very dependent on these monitors and machines in order to do their jobs correctly – but with the midwives and doulas in the home setting they seemed to only use a small amount of necessary technology, and for the most part the heavy technology didn’t seem important or necessary to them. Surprisingly, it seemed as if the technology used in the hospital settings
affected the women in labor in a positive way: most of the women utilized the tools and technology that was being provided for them and they all for the most part seemed to benefit from the technology being used on them, which is probably because the women who choose to have hospital births decide to trust the doctors and the hospital in the first place, and they don’t believe anything will go wrong during their births. Fortunately technology used in the hospital setting seemed to offer the benefit of making the mothers feel safe and protected during labor. However, I personally feel that this film reveals
The author Aria Hanna (far right), with her mother (far left), her brother and the midwife who delivered them at home.
that our relationship to medicine and technology is a very dependent one: even if many women agree that medicine and technology are positive and very helpful things during labor, I personally do not agree with this mainstream opinion of today. I personally believe that we as Americans are becoming way too dependent on technology and drugs, and instead of enduring the pain of labor like God originally intended us to do, Americans are now becoming extremely lazy and are refusing to experience labor pain on their own – which personally disappoints me. I believe that birth is a beautiful and positive experience; something that every woman will hopefully experience at least once in her lifetime, and I believe every woman should be able to endure the pain the normal, natural way – not by using some harmful substance to cover up the pain. I personally believe that if you have gone through all the stress of conceiving a child and becoming pregnant, and then holding the baby in your womb for nine months, then you should be able to go through the very last step of giving birth normally and naturally to your child. Your child deserves to come out healthy, living a positive and stress-free life, not a stressful and unhealthy life because you gave birth to him/her in a hospital while using endless amounts of drugs. Women should really just suck it up and be strong, empowered women and just deal with enduring the excruciating pain of childbirth. That’s what makes us different than men anyway – because no man can experience the labor pains we are able to experience in life. That should be enough to empower you as a woman!
There are a few questions I am still interested to know about this movie/topic include: How many young adults between the ages of 18-30 are informed about home birth? How many young adults actually have friends or family who were born at home or in a birthing center? How many young adults, after watching this film, are interested in having their babies at home, how many are interested in a birthing center, and how many interested in a hospital? Also, how many women in America are scared of birth and how many are excited for it/empowered by it? Also, which birth setting seems the safest and least terrifying to women – hospital, birth center, or home? And last but not least, what exactly causes Americans to believe that birth is a terrifying and painful experience – is it the media influence, opinions from friends, actual experience, or what? I am really more fascinated with statistics than anything (especially within our community at SFSU and in our class this semester), since I am already pretty informed about this topic of childbirth.
To purchase a copy of the film “Born in the USA” by Ken Schneider and Marcia Jarmel, go to: PatchWorks Films.
If you have an amazing birth tale to share, please email it to us at: support@socalbirth.com, and we will put it up.
We reserve the right to edit for length and clarity.
